Dreams

by Erica Lee Martin

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1.
I can’t listen to that album anymore it makes me think of… it reminds me of tall grass and chances I passed on of things unravelling long after I’d cast on all of these numbers conspire to undo me make me remember those who knew me I imagine you rocking up to my hotel room and playing those songs from off the Blue as if nothing had changed I can’t abide that perfume anymore they call it a scent but for me it’s the smell of manipulation and fresh summer hell she might be wearing it or xi or he but yours is the only face I ever see the face that was so happy, so proud so quickly despairing, so quietly loud I imagine running into you at some fancy event I’ll be so angry, so sad, so content I guess nothing’s changed I remember you both as thorns in my side the egos that tickled my inner desires every night was too late every touch not enough, ever slight was too much you were both the same I can’t put up with that shit anymore you made me rebel, insist and want more I imagine bumping into each other outside you with your whatever me with my pride fuck you buddy everything’s changed
2.
Dreams 02:44
It’s been so long It’s been so long since I thought about you Since I thought about you… It’s been so long It’s been so long since I thought about you Since I thought about you… Last night you came to my dreams Last night you were more than you’ve been You were always true Always gave me plenty to do And I thought we were over And I thought we were through And I thought we were over And I thought we were through Cuz it’s been so long It’s been so long Since I wrote about you Since I wrote about you It’s been so long It’s been so long since I wrote about you Since I wrote about you Last night you came to my dreams Last night you were more than you’ve been You were always true Always gave me plenty to do And I thought we were over And I thought we were through And I thought we were over And I thought we were through
3.
The Patio 03:02
I drank more wine when I knew you Than any other time in my life We would sit on the patio Finding excuses and toasting good luck We’d always rise with the sun (I’d follow you anywhere) And under the night sky, you were the right guy Let the good times begin Cuz it was high summer And the lure of the sunset was too great We kept crawling back to the patio To make our mistakes I cared about so little else when I knew you In summer I’d ignore passing glances, I’d be passing up chances Cuz I knew you were there I would will you to kiss me (you could always resist me) When a good man told me he loved me I couldn’t care less cuz I was kind of obsessed With the man on the patio Mama told me not to, so I think I’ve got to, got to Summer romances not meant to advance You used a lance to tell me that we’re through I remember her picture, I couldn’t have missed her Staring back like a mirror at me But she must have been more than a tumble on the floor Or a sunset under a shady tree So I grew a spine and I quit red wine And returned to the patio lonely but free
4.
Jove 03:51
You don’t get me You don’t get me You don’t get me You don’t get me I watch you furrowing your brow You don’t get me You shake your head and cross your arms And lean back and lean back in your chair I hear you say the words out loud You don’t get me You roll your eyes and you exhale As you trip as you trip up the stairs No one will catch you You will fall until the end of time No one will catch you I will spin around you every time If you, if you don’t try You feel my heat I feel your stare pointed at me There’s a rumble underneath as you hurl yourself into the dark I pull you close you pull away Who is leading? We do the dance of the dead as we 1-2-3 1-2-3 1…
5.
Who You Are 03:26
I’m tired, so tired But you’ve been exhausted so surely I could never be tired I could never be who you are So can I be me? I’m angry, so angry But you’ve been insulted so sure I could never be angry I could never be who you are So can I be me? If I wanted to break the news for you I would tidy up and put myself away I would tidy up and put myself away I’m ugly, so ugly But I’ve been called a beauty so sure I could never feel ugly I could never be who you are So can I be me? If I wanted to break the news for you I would tidy up and put myself away I would tidy up and put myself away
6.
The Party 03:20
I hope I look ok for the party Dressed for the theme, all lashes and seams If I do it right, she may notice me I’m feeling pretty He’s not even looking this way, he’s busy Taking another swig, stuffing his face like a pig He’s not what I thought he was, is he? I’m feeling lonely Pass the prosecco around won’t you? I’m starting to feel inexplicably blue Look at her from across the room I dare not come near her, it looks like I fear her But I’m just afraid that something will bloom When I’m not ready ‘Stead, I’ll partake of the cake she’s prepared Food is the stuff of love, that’s what it’s made of Eat every last crumb, none can be spared I’m feeling hungry Pass the prosecco around won’t you? I’m starting to feel inexplicably blue Look my way…
7.
Come on and take my picture I’m gonna make it better I’m gonna make it better Come on and take my picture The sun is shining brightly over the sea Salt in the air Wind in my hair Your eyes on me Wearing these jeans and my favourite shoes My T-shirt’s niche Jewels pastiche Singing the blues You’re in the right mood There’s nothing to lose There’s nought left to do but point and shoot And how can you have the blues today With the fish in the sea and the lighthouse so near She’s looking for love, I look down the lens And give her a serenade Now I’ll pretend I’m the queen of hearts Love on my lips, my teasing quips Well, she asked me to pose Everyone loves a good snap on the beach New profile pic, a bit eccentric Sense memories You’re in the right mood There’s nothing to lose There’s nought left to do but point and shoot And how can you have the blues today With the fish in the sea and the lighthouse so near She’s looking for love, I look down the lens And give her a serenade Come on and take my picture I’m gonna make it better I’m gonna make it better Come on and take my picture
8.
Who even were you that night, under the stars I know we say under the stars a lot But that’s the magic place Where every new face looks like love You were a catch and so was I We were a perfect match under the night sky Just like a dream Where nothing is quite as it seems Then came the part that just breaks my heart It’s my childhood home but it’s haunted and dark Guess they were right, they said I would find The man of my dreams You grabbed me hard in the dark, what a good start I said, this is what I want It was all brand new, and I felt so cool This must be love I looked in your eyes, I saw you You looked at me then past and straight through Is this a dream, everything’s not what it seems Then comes the part that just breaks my heart When I’m trying to run but my legs stop and start They never lied, said I would find The man of my dreams If you believe in magic, you believe in love If your prince is charming, you know he’s the one I sat outside on the curb, you’d just thrown a curb It’s happened now once or twice But on that memorable day I learned a new way to hate myself I wasn’t that I wasn’t this I forget the details, I got the gist Just like a dream, nothing is quite as it seems Then comes the part that just breaks my heart When they’ve asked me to sing But I don’t know the part They never lied, said I would find The man of my dreams
9.
That Night 04:06
I remember the moon I remember the dark I remember the cool summer grass under me We counted up all the stars And lay in each other’s arms And we shook with alarm when it all felt so right I tried to forgive you I tried to forget you I tried I wished on a star I pulled myself apart I don’t know why That night changed me That night made me I remember the fun And knowing you weren’t the one Thinking when we were done I could just walk away I remember the words What could and couldn’t be heard Well you wanted me to learn No matter what the price I tried to forgive you I tried to forget you I tried I wished on a star I pulled myself apart I don’t know why That night changed me That night made me Last night you came to my dreams And you ran into the light knowing I’d see You walked away lived and grew I feel like I’m still saving you I remember the lace And your tentative embrace And the look on your face When I said yes to you I remember being brave For the person I couldn’t save From your love like a wave As it crashed into me I tried to forgive you I tried to forget you I tried I wished on a star I pulled myself apart I don’t know why That night changed me That night made me who I am I tried to forgive you I tried to forget you I tried I wished on a star I covered up the scars I don’t know why I wished on a star I pulled myself apart
10.
Opaque 02:31
I don’t know where you came from but you’re here to stay In my arms and in my heart I’ll keep you safe Every time’s the same Night or day, blue or grey I pick up my phone, you’re calling me What will you say? What games will we play? The dial tone excites me Remember til December every day’s our day In my mind, you are perfect In my mind, it’s so clear That we’re ok, we’re ok, we’re ok Remember that first day? I cast my mind back and start to explore What was it I saw, what enticed me? What made me abandon who I was before? Now, lying so close, I can’t see your face Can’t read between the lines of your loose embrace In my mind, you are perfect In my mind, it’s so clear That we’re ok, we’re ok, we’re ok
11.
You never wanted to be my man You were just gunnin’ for attention You never wanted to be my man When I would look, I’d never see You never wanted to be my man I would’ve been glad if I could’ve moulded you Flipped and folded you, I would’ve bought and sold you I never wanted to be like that I was just gunnin for affection I never wanted to be like that When you would look, you’d never see I never wanted to be like that I would’ve been glad just to hold you And if I only knew where I was coming from I’d have told you But it’s all right But it’s all right But it’s all right Everything’s fine

about

I didn't write songs between the ages of 19 and 30--a time rife with wonder, sadness, guilt, anxiety. This album chronicles those years and experiences that at the time I didn't know how to process through my art. Getting all this off my chest has been at times difficult, but overall deeply gratifying.

credits

released October 16, 2020

All music and lyrics composed by Erica Lee Martin
Songs produced by Erica Lee Martin and Björn Wennerborg
Songs mixed and mastered by Björn Wennerborg fro BLR Studios

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Erica Lee Martin London, UK

Erica is a multidisciplinary artist from Montreal, who has been classically trained in singing and acting. Currently living in London, UK, Erica is writing and producing music, videos, plays and online content. She's also the co-founder of Esmond Road Productions. ... more

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